Of all the verbal weapons children have, the words “I hate you” can inflict the greatest damage to the emotions of the mother. If you recently heard those words from the mouth of your little one, you are not alone. Almost every mother at some point in life is facing your problem. But does your child really hate you? The answer is no.
Children have a limited vocabulary. They do not know how to explain when they are angry frustrated or when something bad has happened, so often the words “I hate you” is their way to get you to convey their emotions or to get what they want.
Here’s how to deal with this situation:
- AVOID THE TEMPTATION TO RETURN THE SAME WAY
Perhaps heartbreak will make you return that to the same extent, telling your child, “I hate you”, but that will not solve the problem. If you react this way, you will show your little student that the best way to deal with verbal attack is through verbal counterattack.
- STAY CALM AND FOCUS JUST ON YOUR CHILD’S FEELINGS.
The natural reaction of every mother would be shouted loudly: “You cannot behave like that with me, I’m your mother” or “So this is your thank you for everything I’ve done for you.” But this reaction will only show your child that you lose control over the situation. Do not focus on yourself. At that moment the most important thing is what your child feels.
- DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE HIS FEELINGS.
Children need to feel that parents recognize their feelings, without trying to change them. Show respect for the feelings of your small child, no matter how funny is the reason behind them.
- PLAN AHEAD A RESPONSE LIKE “I HAVE ENOUGH LOVE FOR THE BOTH OF US”
- REMEMBER THAT YOUR CHILD DOES NOT MEAN TO HURT YOU.
Young age children are egoists. They still do not have much capacity to think how their actions affect others and frequently transmit only how they feel. They do not realize the hatred in the same way as adults.
- HELP HIM TO LEARN HOW TO NAME HIS FEELINGS.
When your child tightens fists with frowned face, will equip you with the aggressive look and say that he hates you, you can answer: “I see that you feel anger,” and then … Ask, “But Why?” And try to listen without interrupting and without getting defensive. Perhaps the reason for the “hate” is your recent decision that did not fit with your child’s opinion. Or, maybe it wants to draw your attention or tell you that something bad had happened outside the home. Try to find out what bothers him.
- IF HIS ANGER IS THE RESULT OF YOUR DECISION, DO NOT CHANGE JUST TO CHANGE HIS FEELINGS.
You told your child that it’s time to turn off the computer, and he won’t listen. Don’t change your mind. Tell him, “It’s okay to be angry, but you still need to turn off the computer.” Do not let your child’s behavior make you hesitate.
As a parent, you should know that your little one will be angry, say bad words and feel negative emotions like adults. Your task can’t be making him happy all the time, every minute of the day. And remember you’re not a bad mother if you don’t make him happy all the time.
Your task is much more difficult – to turn it into a person who knows how to control their emotions and is showing respect for other people’s feelings. So, if your child tells you that he hates you just because of your decision, keep in mind that puts you into the basket of parents who excellently performed the most difficult and the most beautiful thing in the world.